Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
