How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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