I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
