at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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