And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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