The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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