i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
