i think my mom watched the whole time
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
