I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
