Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
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