I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
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