omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
