dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
she smelled like a LAN party
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
