He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
