my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
