After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
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