just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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