guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
