He disabled his match.com account in front of me
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
