I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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