why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
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