I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize