the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
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