we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
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