you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
