so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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