I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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