i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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