you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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