is your mom at the bar?
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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