just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
