babies were throwing up all over the place
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
