If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
