My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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