he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
