woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
