I want to make a zoo with you.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
