i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
