I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
