I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
