my phone needs a breathalizer
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
