i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
