I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
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