Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
