I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
