You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
