I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
