I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
i need some magic done to my vagina
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
