I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize