This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
