if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
