At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
