I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
