Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
