Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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