I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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