Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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