well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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