Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
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At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
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It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
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