you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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