She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
