I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
