I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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