I can tuck mytits in my pants
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
