i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
